I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
