can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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