I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
