Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
