She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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