You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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