I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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