It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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