we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
