I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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