He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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