"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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