anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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