I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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