Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
