Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
