You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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