i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
