I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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