My underwear smells like fireworks.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
