I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize