Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
