I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
