My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
