What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
