For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
