forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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