i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
