I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
