I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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