Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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