he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
