Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
