So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize