you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
