I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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