It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
