Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
