so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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