Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
