Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
