Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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