So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize