Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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