Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
