so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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