New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize