just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
