whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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