all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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