Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
