OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize