her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize