Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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