Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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