I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
