That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's never too late to be topless.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
