Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it hurts more in the daytime
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
