do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
