cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
