I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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