I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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