i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
