the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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