Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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